Here’s a post from 2004 & the last time I was in Santa Barbara when the jacaranda’s were blooming. It brought back this sweet memory & the realization that some of this is still up in my life & that I am finally taking action on this.
There has been a recurring theme that I’ve been exploring of late ~ that of being a real __________ (fill-in the blank) and how so much judgment has kept myself and other from stepping up into what we love. That before we express whatever brings us joy should be perfected and polished till it /we are flawless. Heaven forbid we should reach out and try something to fail or not like it really or not live up to the standard of how it should be performed.
Here’s a journal entry from Santa Barbara in May after several days of driving very slow down the coast and a night at the local Hostel:
After the beach walk, stopped and strolled the pier to get a different view on
the sand sculptures and displays ~ various cups on cloths with cardboard signs that folks throw change into, then the huge peace memorial 30 feet across with flowers all around the sand sculptures. I give all my change; reflect upon the homeless who ask for change. Yeah, we need to change how we create/deal with these street philosophers, need to change how we let people
become disposable and invisible, rotting on the sidewalks. I would like some of that change.
At the end of the pier is Violet. She checks to see if I’m “one of those strict Christian ladies” and then says, “Oh, you’re a light seeker higher being like me”.(Side note: I’ve been walking and meditating and singing to myself for 3 hours on the beach collecting rocks now weighing down my sweat pant with a fistful of feathers and a bag of garbage I’ve picked up, I’m quite a sight myself) We talk about giving it all away & just going on a journey into the unknown. She says she gave it all away for her music when it came to a point of paying exorbitant rent or going for 2 weeks music seminar. I give her $2 to play a song, a flamenco love song tragedy that she sings in Spanish & translates. She playshaltingly, just learning it from the book I hold open for her.
Then she shares about a beautiful garden to meditate in before I leave. She is borderline insistent that I go. “It’s across from a church”. I follow the directions, just about ready to turn back when there it is, right across from the Unity Church I thought about looking up the night before and didn‘t. I get the message, if I don’t listen to the quiet inner voices sometimes Spirit sends an outside messenger to get my attention.
I ponder Violet’s music and that it’s not as eloquent as I think it should be if you are going to give up life and home and safety to play and learn. Shouldn’t she be able to play well or be familiar with the song before she performs it? Lots of judgment in my mind.
(light bulb over the head) I GOT IT! It’s about willingness to risk it all going forth into the unknown,
willingness to sit in the learner’s seat, perfect in the imperfection. To want to bring the beauty out so much and share the heart songs so much that to get beyond the judgment of being a beginner. I have a wonderful epiphany that just keeps expanding my heart open about being who you are no matter what or how good you are or anything, that if you listen & follow your heart that whatever happens is perfect.
Violet, the jacarandas were a gorgeous violet. Thank you master for helping me with this lesson. Thank you also for singing your heart song.
(end of journal entry)
So here was the theme once again about being real as I had started the inner dialogue again about credentials, whether I am truly qualified to be a real intuitive / healer / artist and a myriad of other limiting beliefs. What is a real musician, a real dancer a real writer, a real singer? I am! We
all are! We are all blessed to BE whomever, whatever we choose! It just doesn’t matter what others think, the act of self definition is credentials enough. Thank you Universe for the gentle reminder that we all are singers.
Soooo… my questions to my lovely readers:
What would you do if you could not fail?
Who would you be if it meant giving up your illusions of imperfection?
Me, I’m going to go dance now.
Love to all