Maybe you caught the FB post:
“yes, I know, as an undertaker I have held the dead. So WHY am I freaking out about the dead vole under the kitchen table courtesy of the cat?!? Seriously having a girl moment. sh!t now she’s tossing it in the air. ::AAUUUUGGGHH::!!”
No, I’m not laughing–yet. I do however notice that I am still emotionally in the story, a full hour later. Wow. I gave up my peace of mind to something small enough to it in my hand; really what could have been a completely inconsequential moment of the day. I peer around the computer screen to confirm there are still rat gut leftovers on the floor. Yup.
It is inevitable that I will finish the clean up, yet instead of doing that & being done, I sit here writing about it. Sounding witty and urbane, it doesn’t fully convey how squeamish I felt and underplays me screaming at the cat. I have posted it on FB, called Griffyn to let her know she “should be” taking care of this, and obviously wanting to share this moment with everyone about the vole.
There is however another voice in my head. I’ve been cultivating the observer mind a la’ Eckhart Tolle and noticing my (over)reaction. “Hmmmm. Well, she still has the drama queen tendencies now and again”. “Wow, Kat has really able to practice some cognitive re-patterning as she analyzes that she has successfully coped with a dead body before and can apply that ability to the situation” and then there is “Able to rationally deal with the situation, yet persistent in making a mountain over a vole kill.” and “Sarcasm, haven’t seen that coping technique recently (OK, that pun was funny though)”.
The lesson in this moment is about recognizing the inner drama queen that still has healing opportunities. It is a human trait that we have something random happen that we alone experience and then there is the need to tell our story again and again. Have you felt the need to share about a paper cut, the person that cut you off (I was this close to hitting him) or some other mundane moment? What is it that wants to be witnessed in our struggle of overcoming adversity? Is it true that pain shared is pain divided?
More than anything, I am struck by the awareness that spending 40 minutes in meditation this morning was completely superseded by a 15 minute encounter that could have been resolved in literally under 2 minutes from when she walked in the door with it in her mouth to when it was tucked in the garbage and everything cleaned up. Instead I wallowed in the adrenaline before putting on the proverbial big girl panties and just dealt with it, physically and emotionally.
What is it that you are letting get in the way of your peace of mind? What story are you still telling long after the moment is over? Are you able to engage the observer’s mind and notice how you are showing up emotionally and mentally? As we continue to grow and heal, these answers will change, leading to greater awareness.
In this moment, my awareness is that it is time to be done with this chapter.